adi arifin

Born and raised in a Moslem family we did not really appreciate birthdays, especially those at Christian calendar. When I grew older into more secular belief, I do not really hold on to it any longer. Still I did not really appreciate birthdays for different reasons. What is it to celebrate of getting older, getting weaker, and getting closer to your death whilst you haven’t done so much as you want? Draw back and contemplate is something better to do than party on a birthday.

Not until I met her when I started to feel in need of special fun and excitement on my birthday. But this time is rather different. I have to spend my birthday in loneliness. I do understand why do I have to be alone this time, but understand does not necessarily mens acceptance. I had her voice on the phone to congratulate me at the first second of the day just before I fall asleep. Still I feel the same loneliness when I wake the morning up. What a cold and quite birthday. I finally made up my mind to spray cond water into my head and had to the office. I logged for a holiday today, but seems that staying alone at home would drive me nut.

Obviously no one knows my birthday in the office so I plug my laptop into the network and started with rank checker, just like the other 300 or so other days of the year. Nope, not really all forgets my birthday. My youngest staff - the kiddo teenage smarty - pop in with a little cake. Trying hard not to let my tears down I cut the cake and let all of my staffs have a slice. What do I expect more really? I am surrounded with young, dedicated, and adoring inferiors. I am not really in favor to work. My head is full of regret on loosing the one day of the whole year which supposed to be a bit more special.

Later the day the phone-girl, the receptionist bring in a green box with a birthday cake. She had someone to send me the cake on her behalf. It got the whole office noticed my birthday and rush to congratulate. Why the heck is it that I still feel this emptiness. I need a hug want a kiss. And maybe I expect a little gift. Damn, how could I suddenly become so damn weak with my own feeling.

Rather than work I surf around with photography sites which has just became a reborn hobby. I scanned around the local forum where I sold four lenses and traded them into one single professional one. My eyes stuck to a camera body, a used one with perfect condition as the pictures show, priced by far below normal market price. I have been wanting it for months. Well, I do find its predecessor released just a couple of months back appealing, but the price tag is just amazing. However, its release hit the price of predecessor severely. Yes, severely, but not to this level.

I tried to communicate with the seller and convinced that the low-price is purely because he badly needs money, whilst the merchandise itself is as the pictures show. It did not take me too long to finally decide to give myself a birthday gift. Transmit the money and got the camera on hand the next day. I feel rather lucky for getting a highly acclaimed camera in near-brand-new condition, at a record breaking price. God may send me his gift as I did not get one from anyone else. Well, yes. Half of me think it that way. But the other half throw a chilly laughter … what a jerk buying himself a birthday gift just because no one else does.

Bookmark to: